Who Touched My Child?
My mommy comes to kiss me goodnight because she has to leave for work, and instantly I become terrified to go to sleep. She has been working 3rd shift for 6 months 2 weeks and 3 days...
After a few moments of silence, my fears subside, the house actually seems to be at peace tonight. No sooner than I let my guard down, in walks Tony. Who is Tony you ask? My mother’s boyfriend.
He strokes my hair in a creepy and yet endearing way. Kisses me on my forehead and proceeds to groping my breast... I wince and he whispers "you don't have to be scared of me". I’m here to make you feel good. I am here because I love you. Now, how backwards is that? If you love me, then why are you robbing me? Why are you scarring me? Why are you hurting? I thought love wasn’t supposed to hurt…
If you were wondered how I knew exactly how long my mother has been on this new shift, well this is why. I have been enduring this every day and she has no idea! Which is making me resent her and hate him! I really wish my daddy was around... I am only 12 years old!!! Why is this happening to me? How come no one can see my hurt, depression and pain? Why is my innocence being ripped from me? What did I do to deserve this?
When he’s all done using me up for the day; I feel nasty, better yet, filthy. I feel abandoned, ashamed, worthless, alone and suicidal. (This is the beginning of her never-ending cycle with men)
My grades have been on a rollercoaster for months now. I have tried everything, except slapping her, to get her attention. I have been sassy, I have had the worse attitude, I have been sweet as pie, I have run away, I have begged to live with other family members. But not once, did she ask me, “Is everything ok?” or “What’s going on?”
Unfortunately, this is the story of too many of our youth, young girls and boys. They live their lives in anguish because someone is touching them inappropriately and everyone is too busy or self-absorbed to notice. Most children internalize what is happening to them and believe it is their fault, so they won’t be forth coming with the information. Plus, an act like this, comes with guilt, shame and a whole heap of heaviness.
This type of trauma immediately sparks a cycle of bad relationships, insecurities (physical and sexual), addictions, an unhealthy understanding of what love is and what is supposed to feel like, and an emotional unbalancing within oneself.
1 in 10 children will be abused before their 18th birthday and out of all sexually abused children, 60% never tell. I am confident in saying 1 in every 4 adults was abused. Ask your friend sitting next to you, or your cousin… Better yet, parents, ask your adult children…
Since my children were little, I have always asked them "Has anyone touched you there?" "Do you know if someone does touch you, you can talk to your Tee-Tee (auntie) or I about it?" Because I want my children to know they have a Safe Haven...
The shame and guilt comes from the secrecy behind it, stop the silence and have the conversation with your children!
My writing style is strong enough for a man but balanced for a woman!