What is your drug of Choice? *Self-Medication*
Hello, my name is Cheryl and I am an addict! This was my story for so long and I had no clue that I was self-medicating!
I had a Polysubstance Dependence, the clinical definition is: a person who is psychologically addicted to being in an intoxicated state without a preference for one particular substance. Although any combination of three drugs can be used, studies have shown that alcohol is commonly used with another substance.
Still can’t relate? Well let me help you…To put this in lament terms I did not care what I used to numb the pain! I used food, sex, alcohol, weed and attention (mostly from men but would take it from women too).
Maybe I haven’t touched on your thing yet, here are some more: Obsessive working, gambling, cigarettes, hard street drugs, plastic surgery, depression, shopping and your story! Yes, you can get high off telling your story (Thank You Iyanla for this revelation).
Now that you have identified you addiction, which masks your pain, you have to identify what you are actually feeling. You have to call a thing a thing! What is the source of your pain? Do you feel inadequate? Shameful? Guilty? Unloved? Not Worthy? Abandoned? Unappreciated?
In order to properly heal from the pain you have to Feel, Deal, and Heal… Once you can actually identify the source the healing process can begin, because you can expose it yourself. Your past is just that, your past! It was meant to shape you but not define who you are or who you will be.
I have battled with a measure of all of these symptoms. I would find a reason to go out every single night, couldn’t wait for someone’s birthday to come around so I could have a valid reason to “Turn Up”. Would drink my invisible sorrows away, smoke myself into another world so I didn’t have to deal with my reality. Get even higher off of the male attention I was given and the Power that came with the flirtatious conversations. String multiple men along if they were willing to fund my habits (symptoms) and then the worst of them all, the empty sex that comes along with this lifestyle…
No one could identify where I was because they were too consumed in their own lives and the ones who could see, I usually wore my “I’m Fine” and “Blessed and Highly Favored” mask for them. *shout out to Sonya Visor (www.sonyavisor.com) and TruU for the breaking of this never-ending cycle.
When you are the strong one, people don’t give you permission to hurt but keep this in mind. If you don’t take care of yourself first, it is impossible to give anyone else anything of substance. You will not only do them a disservice but yourself…
Did you know? When you give to others to the degree that you sacrifice yourself, you make the other person a thief because they are stealing from you. They are stealing what you need and they don’t even know it! ~ Iyanla Vanzant
Sometimes you gotta be willing to lose everything to gain yourself!
It is self-full to put yourself first!
~ Redefined Soul ~
My writing style is strong enough for a man but balanced for a woman!